I came across this article in The Atlantic last week, and the title immediately caught my eye: “Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids.” 

What?  

Then I read the subtitle: “And start raising kind ones.” 

The authors are certainly not opposed to children getting straight A’s or winning games, but they point out, very compellingly, how we grownups can easily get way too caught up in achievement and lose sight of the importance of teaching kindness, compassion and other social-emotional skills that are vital for children to learn and practice regularly. They cite research: 

"If you survey American parents about what they want for their kids, more than 90 percent say one of their top priorities is that their children be caring. This makes sense: kindness and concern for others are held as moral virtues in nearly every society and every major religion. But when you ask children what their parents want for them, 81 percent say their parents value achievement and happiness over caring.” 

Achievement and happiness are good, right? Of course. But not at the expense of encouraging children to practice kindness and helping others. These skills are CRITICALLY important, and can have major impact on children later in life:  

“Quite a bit of evidence suggests that children who help others end up achieving more than those who don’t.  

Boys who are rated as helpful by their kindergarten teacher earn more money 30 years later.  

Middle-school students who help, cooperate, and share with their peers also excel—compared with unhelpful classmates, they get better grades and standardized-test scores.  

The eighth graders with the greatest academic achievement, moreover, are not the ones who got the best marks five years earlier; they’re the ones who were rated most helpful by their third-grade classmates and teachers.  

And middle schoolers who believe their parents value being helpful, respectful, and kind over excelling academically, attending a good college, and having a successful career perform better in school and are less likely to break rules.” 

—Adam Grant & Allison Sweet Grant, “Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids (and start raising kind ones),” in The Atlantic 

Kindness, compassion, and helping others are skills, just like playing an instrument or throwing a ball. They need to taught, and they need to be practiced—and they're essential learning for our kids. 

I spoke at DeSales University today, to Early Childhood Department students who are all aspiring teachers (except for the would-be accountant in the front row who needed an extra course credit).  

We talked about mindfulness, movement, and music, and how to incorporate these three M’s into the classroom with young children. We tried some tools of mine (using rhythm to give instructions, chair yoga, simple and kid-friendly mindfulness exercises) and then I asked for ideas from them. They came up with fantastic, fun movement breaks, breathing exercises, and compassionate ways to handle a melting-down toddler.  

They told me stories from their student teaching of children who are clearly experiencing toxic stress with little or no support, of very little time for movement even in kindergarten, and of 6-year-olds on Ritalin; they see that nearly all the children have a tablet or device or phone they can’t wait to get back to after school. 

But these college students, these teachers of the future, are full of enthusiasm, creativity and optimism. They’re on it.

Whatever the weather is like outside, with young children we can also talk about the “weather” inside us as a kid-friendly way of helping teach self-awareness, which the World Health Organization defines as one of five core skills necessary for good mental health.  

Like any skill, self-awareness needs to be taught, and then practiced—and it’s never too early to start. Simple mindfulness is an ideal way for young children to begin developing this essential skill. Try this easy exercise with your kids: 

How’s the weather outside today?  

Maybe it’s rainy, or maybe it’s sunny.  

What’s the weather like inside you?  

Take a long breath in, and let it all the way out. 

Do you feel bright and sunny today?  

Do you feel gray and cloudy?  

Or do you feel like something else? 

Maybe it feels like a thunderstorm inside you.  

Or maybe it’s a clear day.  

Think about what kind of weather it feels like inside your body.  

Any kind of weather is ok.  

Take another long breath in, and let it all the way out.  

My Mindfulness Moments for Kids board book series is designed to gently introduce simple mindfulness concepts to the youngest of practictioners. The first two books—Listen Like and Elephant and Breathe Like a Bear—are out now!    

(And if you’ve enjoyed either of these books with your littles, it would help me so much if you’d leave a review—thank you!) 

More and more research keeps coming out about how incredible the benefits of playing music are for kids. When a child learns a musical instrument, essentially all areas of his or her development are enhanced. Here’s an excerpt from a great article I came across:  

"The benefits of learning and playing a musical instrument include: 

Improved memory skills 
Improved hand eye coordination & fine motor skills 
Improved listening skills 
Improved math skills 
Improved reading and comprehension skills 
Improved auditory skills 
Encouraging responsibility, perseverance and discipline 
Encouraging self-expression 
Building self confidence 
Building physical strength and improve stamina 
Providing a constructive outlet for stress 

In fact, studies have shown that playing a musical instrument utilises both sides of the brain and helps development new, stronger neural pathways. There is a strong correlation between learning a musical instrument and improved executive functioning.” - Renee Maier, “How Learning a Musical Instrument Can Help Your Child”

Put an instrument in your child’s hands if you can!

It’s release day for the first two books in my Mindfulness Moments for Kids Series! 

Mindfulness Moments for Kids: Breathe Like a Bear will help children learn to control their breath and soothe themselves slowly to sleep, just like a cozy, hibernating bear. Mindfulness Moments for Kids: Listen Like an Elephant helps young children practice focus and attention, both steps to healthy self-awareness. And these fun, easy-to-follow exercises can be performed anywhere: in the backseat of a car, at home, or in line at the store!  

Beautifully illustrated by Anni Betts, and adapted from my original book Breathe like a Bear—a collection of mindful moments and exercises for kids ages 3-8—this board book series is the first of its kind, and is the perfect tool to help young children and their grownups develop a fun and consistent mindfulness practice. 

“Just like adults, kids are easily distracted and quite often, they’re unaware of their circumstances….that can lead to difficulties for children, like managing their emotions or trouble controlling their behavior. 

Research shows mindfulness skills benefit kids’ brains and improve their behavior. Their attention spans improve, they enjoy better mental health, and they become more resilient to stress.”  —Amy Morin, LCSW, “11 Ways to Teach Mindfulness to Kids”   

Um, with these proven benefits, shouldn’t we be teaching these simple concepts as young as possible? And with these sweet books, it doesn’t feel like you’re “teaching” anything—you’re simply breathing, listening and bonding with your child.  

(And—important for parents—these books are a bit larger than your typical board book, and very STURDY.) 

 Order yours now, wherever you like to get your books!